No good.

That’s how I’m feeling today. No good. No bueno.

Last night was a taper, which can go one of three ways- I sleep fine and feel fine the next day (maybe 5% of the time), I sleep poorly but still feel okay (45% of the time), I sleep poorly and feel like life is useless and hard (50% of the time).

I’ll let you guess what last night was like.

I had some pretty entertaining dreams about filming a movie (I was crew) with James Franco and Emma Watson. Emma and I had running jokes on set and she called me “mom” as a joke a lot. I woke up right in the middle of that dream with the feeling that I was going to die immediately followed by a sweeping feeling of heartbreak and depression. It was unrelated to the dream, in which I had been feeling pretty pleasant.

I managed to go back to sleep ten or fifteen minutes later, but I never know how that’s going to pan out. This time, I still felt as though I hadn’t slept at all when I woke up at 9 AM to take my basal temperature.

I’m on a bit of a roller coaster today. I got up enough energy and umph to do stretching and three sun salutations, some laundry, and some gardening. Then my mood dropped, I haven’t eaten anything much, and I don’t feel like doing anything, ever. I know those are all depressive symptoms.

Right now, at this moment, I am so thankful I’m seeing the doctor again tomorrow. He had said he might need to up the Lexapro and it appears that that might be the case.


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