Protip: If you feel sick, just eat something.

Hi, my name is Jackie and I’m an emetophobe.  In a few words, that means I have panic attacks if I puke (or think I’m going to).  I can handle other people puking (especially kids- maternal instinct) for the most part, setting me apart from many who cannot even stand to see the word “puke”.

Lexapro has a fun (temporary) side effect of initially causing nausea.  I am so freakishly in touch with my digestive system at this point that I can tell the difference between “imminent vomit” nausea and just-plain-nausea within the first few seconds of the onset.  I am grateful and blessed beyond measure that it’s all just-plain-nausea.  Sometimes I even feel hungry while I’m nauseous, which is fun in that I always picture myself sobbing into a container of ice cream while I gag.  Eating also seems to helps, too, although I feel nauseous the entire time I’m eating.  I probably shouldn’t share that.  That’s kind of gross.

But so is life, sometimes.

A trip to Kroger today was a good time.  Driving has progressively become more and more of a trigger for my anxiety.  I’ve been in wrecks before, but they’re not the cause.  I think I feel encased in the car.  Trapped.  I can’t easily just get out and go calm myself down.  I have to concentrate on the road.  I have never, ever driven while in an attack.  That’s the whole point- I don’t want to endanger myself or others.  I now have a lot of coping tools, including singing at the top of my lungs and gripping the steering wheel as hard as I can and then relaxing.  I don’t often have car panics, but when I do, they are mild and they are easy enough to control.

I assumed today would be bad.  I was already nauseous and now I’m getting in the car?  But no, the Lexapro has done something for me- I wasn’t freaked out.  I could feel the anxiety trying to get a foothold, but it never really could.  I had the same reaction I think many people would- “Oh great.  Well, this sucks, but I’ll just deal with it.”  I made it to Kroger fine.  The only exciting incident was when one of my cans of Zevia mysteriously exploded as the lady was uncarting my groceries (and since when did they start doing that- we anal types like to group our groceries!).

So far my adventure on Lexapro has been positive.  I don’t mind the nausea because it’s very mild (and temporary) and I can SLEEP now.  My memory is better.  My thoughts are clearer.

I have nothing to report on my LadyComp yet.  God only knows how long I’ll need to be off the hormones before my body gets back into gear.  And I don’t know if Lexapro will influence it or not.  As long as I feel like a human being with feelings and am functioning, I am thankful and I will take it.

In other news, Brooks has poison ivy in his eye again, the power went out today because of massive storms that lasted about 30 minutes, and I am invited to a ~pool party~ on Thursday that is ~ladies only~.  Yes, dahling.


2014-06-10 15.16.51
This is the sticker I found stuck to the back of my knee while I was shaving my legs. My PLU number says I’m a green bell pepper.

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